Surrender...

To surrender to something 

Is to let go of any form of control you think you have over it

Surrender means trust

Without overanalytical thinking about whom or what you are trusting

Surrender means letting go

And allowing yourself to just free fall–with an inner knowing that there are hands at the end of that fall to catch you

Well, how do I know if hands are there to catch me when I’ve been falling in this dark space for what seems like eternity 

and can’t seem to catch my breath? One may ask–

Surrender says be not afraid.

For the trees do not dig up their roots and run at the sight of rain in an attempt not to drown

They remain calm

Rooted and grounded in their place allowing the rain to nourish them

For a bird does not stop its flight mid-air at the fear of the wind no longer carrying their wings

They just fly

To surrender–is to be like water 

Flowing with no clear direction

The water does not ask the rock near it, “Where are you taking me?”

Nor does it try to fight back against the wind in attempt to change its route

It just flows

Surrender is just that

Trusting in the fluidity of life even when you do not understand it

A freefall into the unknown with the knowing that you will be caught at the end of the fall

Surrender

Is kneeling at an altar, praying to a God you are unsure even exists

Surrender is the death of the leaves in autumn time 

trusting that their rebirth will visit again in the spring 

It is an undeniable belief in what you cannot yet see

It is….complete and utter abandonment of the self

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No one is coming to save you...

You must be the change you wish to see

Opportunities will not come knocking at your door; you must create them

No one is coming to save you–you must learn to climb the mountain yourself

The only way is up–otherwise you’re stuck in the past

The world hasn’t ended just yet, so unfortunately, you have to clock in until you make something of yourself

Life is fucking hard–believe no one if they try to convince you otherwise

Fuck the algorithm, eventually the internet will shut down and then what will you do to promote yourself

Having a purpose means your path will be much lonelier, even if people surround you

Anger will arise–that depression you thought was over will eventually return like a boomerang

You will realize that your manic never really left, you just learned to mask it better for a few years

You’ll blame the reason you’ve felt so shitty on the moon and its cycles

Perhaps it’s a retrograde

And sure, that may add to some of the reasons as to why you are feeling the way you are feeling

You may even decide to fast to clear your mind

Or say fuck America and impulsively search up how to move to Thailand with only 5 dollars to your name

You may contemplate all the ways you could take your own life and make it not appear as suicide because the suicidal thoughts have come back stronger than ever

You will cry

And cry

A lot–because you don’t have the balls to actually kill yourself 

And so you will suffer through life

Burning sage and chanting Hindu mantras, hoping that a god will free you from all misery

You will learn about buddahood and realize suffering may never cease

And that too will make you cry

And want to die 

all at the same time

You will wonder, well, what is the purpose of my life if the rich only get richer by feeding off the poor, and the poor only get poorer by being enslaved to toxic capitalism by the rich

Your mind will feel confined inside a cage, trying to make sense of all that in which causes you to feel deranged

You will endure the lowest of lows and beg for a high

You will wonder just why you were even cast down here as one of God's strongest soldiers

You will recite the scripture over and over until your tongue grows sore

“Just the faith of a mustard seed…”

You may even cast a pentacle on the ground with flames to ignite its power

And still…

You will suffer

Wondering what it all means…

There will come a time when you don’t believe in a God

And well…it will be true

Or you may turn to another God than the one in which you’ve been conditioned to believe in and well..

That will also be truth for you

No matter what God you turn to–all of them will tell you

The only way is up.

There are no shortcuts.

You cannot go under it

You cannot go around it

You must go through.

You must create your own reality

For the reality you are in now is only a product of past thoughts, turned action, made real.

You will read all the manifestation books you can find and sit for hours listening to how to master the law of attraction

You will hear stories in which you’ve never witnessed that seem too good to be true 

You will repeat affirmation after affirmation until you annoy the hell out of your own self and eventually stop

You will do all the things

And feel that you’ve exhausted all of your options and reasonings on why you should even want to stay here on this god forsaken planet

You will wish life to be easier and somehow it will become harder

You will want to climb back down the mountain

But you will look down and be afraid of the fall just as much as the climb

And so you will linger for some time 

Stuck at a crossroads

Arms growing tired

Legs giving out

Some people fall from the mountain

Some take breaks and keep it moving

What you decide is ultimately up to you

For we were given the power of choice in this life….

So choose.

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IG: _sagethemystic_

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For you were made to be a star. Not just gaze at one.

Something to read when you find your mind becoming cluttered, your spirit getting low--and your heart getting heavy.....

You are nothing short of amazing.

You lack nothing.

You are deserving of all the things you daydream about, and soon, those daydreams will be your reality.

You are wealthy--beyond any materialistic thing. You are wealthy, from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes.

You are free my love--even when this world tries to clip your wings and condition you to believe there is nothing better than this rigid system--know that you are free.

Know that you are already abundant--and luxury is your birthright, not an incentive to slaving your life away to this matrix.

Know that you deserve beautiful experiences.

You deserve riches and wealth.

Suffering is not a constant, and eternal bliss should be your experience.

Know that you are capable of much more than you think you are--for your limited thoughts have only become an ingrained belief due to past actions & behaviors.

Rise up.

You are not stagnant--you are just shedding mountains of false illusions about who you thought you were.

Rise up.

You are not stuck, just being rerouted to your greatness.

Shedding old skin may never look how you intended--but damn, there is relief in not having to continuously walk in a body that is not even yours anymore, so rise.

Rise up for the little girl inside.

Rise.

Rise up for the older versions of you that have only ever kept you hostage from your true potential and wealth.

Rise.

Because it is so much better than continuously falling down to a place below your standards.

Step out of your own way and say hell no to defeat.

Step in faith, paving way for the new emergence of yourself.

Rise to the occasion.

No you don't need saving.

You just need to give yourself permission to be patient...

and step out of your own way.

Rise my love.

Fly my love.

Spread your wings and touch the sky my love.

For you were made to be a star.

Not just gaze at one.

Rise.

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IG: _sagethemystic_

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What is it that you do to me?

 You seem like the type of man that someone should love slowly. 

A sure type of someone. 

A someone that someone chooses. 

Not settles for. 

You seem like the type of someone that deserves breakfast in bed and flowers in the rising time. 

Shea butter loving for your troubles because my God, your energy is so divine. 

You got me dancing in my feminine

reassuring me I'm safe

I've never been here before...

In safety

with a man..shit

You got me wanting to go the whole damn road and back, and back again.

Paying attention to all my needs

such a giver without expectation to receive 

and I don't know yet your favorite color

nor can I remember your favorite food.

But my God I just keep thinking of all the things I want to do to you

coconut oil in your hair

sacred kisses to seal our love

We give praises to Allah, 

and all the Gods up above

you in me

God in we

slow grinding under moonlight to nature's sacred symphony

this...

This feels like such a sure...sure thing

a love that visits unexpectedly

this...

sacred harmony

floetry

poetry

magnetic connection

divine hold on me

-END SEGMENT-

Do you believe in fate?

if I show you my scars, will you hold my heart safe?

Do you promise to be there, even when I make mistakes?

Will you fix my crown?

you gone hold me down?

Will you be there unconditionally and never let me drown?

You gone be there through my winters?

When spring, and Autumn peaks again?

You gone be there through my moon phases

through the thickest and thin?

You gone pray to God about me?

Ask him how to love me correctly?

we gone pray together?

meditate together?

alchemize our energies and--

shift the weather?

we gone let grow?

let God?

let flow?

Follow Me:

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IG: _sagethemystic_

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Please...Please come set me free.

 

Dear God I come to you now

Here I lie at your lotus feet

a loyal servant I beg of you

please

please come and set me free 

I've cried until my rivers run dry

This load too heavy to bear

please don't make me go back 

to living in that place of despair

I know they say beggars cannot be choosers

but please 

hear me out

If I go back the way I've been

They will truly try and strip my crown

...I feel helpless and alone

tired of singing that old blues song

tears streaming from my face?

Where in the hell did I go wrong?

Why those lessons never comin' fast enough?

and the child in me ain't fully healed?

why my scars always show at the most inconvenient times?

and those feelings of happiness 

harder to feel?

Have I not been patient enough?

stood the tests of time?

are you angry with me or something?

do my past transgressions replay in your mind?

why such a heavy burden to bear?

here lately I don't feel so made in your image

maybe your strength is just something we do not share

perhaps we just will never quite compare

...in your image.

There are days when I can push through--and then there are days I cannot. This particular day, is a day in the maze. 

I cry. I cry because I cannot do this life on my own. I cry because I feel I should be stronger than what I am. I cry because I feel I should be farther along my journey than I am. I cry because I feel so misunderstood. I cry because after I ripped myself from chains to embrace my true authenticity, there are those who try to shove me in a box, not fit for my weight nor capacity. I cry because I've bottled so much inside, and am ready to erupt at a moment's notice. I cry because all anyone can tell me is to keep moving forward....but what happens when the road becomes muddy, and I lose my way? The trail is no longer clear, and I've lost my faith? What happens when I have been trying to be strong all my life, and I'm only 24? So much at such a young age, I have been forced to endure. What happens when I know I gotta get my shit together, but this shit is only getting harder? What happens when I don't know what the fuck to do and now I'm.....frozen?

What happens then? When I tried the affirmations, and gratitude lists, and prayed to every fucking God in the sky only for them to remind me that I must save myself? What happens when I can't save myself? When the heavy weight of wanting to die just consumes me whole? I've been told I'm worth more than diamond gems, but lately I don't feel so worthy. I want to remain an optimist...But I fear there's just no purpose...

What happens when I no longer have words....only tears?

What happens then?...well?

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You will make it through...

Change gonna come

it's gon come

and come again

and when you don't see the path, God will say keep on walking

The pain gonna come

it's gon visit

 again and again

and it will feel… well

Truly never ending

The hurt gonna come 

so let it hurt 

and the rain gonna pour

but the sun will eventually shine

you will feel betrayed by those you love

and eventually, 

you might even want to die

you will stare up to the heavens above and ask Jesus or some Krishna why?

you will fall to your knees in anguish

losing hope and faith in all

you will doubt that a God even exists

and 

bloody and a mess

battered and bruised

you will question everything you thought you knew

and most days get stuck singing the blues

or any sad tune in attempt to comfort this truth

you my love

yes you 

you will eventually acknowledge the truth 

that you are suffering 

an intolerable life

all built by past actions

of an unconscious mind

you will suffer more because you now know

and the veil has been lifted

And you will be given no other choice but to walk with the gifted

Eventually, you will rise

Birthed once more from the rubble

With all the might left in you

You will make it through all your troubles.

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IG: _sagethemystic_

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Challenges Teach Us Mastery

Music Playing: Summertime by Sam Cooke

"One of these mornings, you're gonna rise up singing

Then you'll spread your wings and take to the sky"

Today, I went outside, sitting under pine trees, puffing ganja to clear my mind. Energy work to connect with the God inside...just looking to free my mind. 

You know what I thought?

God would not give you this series of challenges if it did not think you could overcome each one. Challenges come only to allow us to master our power. I was watching anime the other day, and thinking of how each anime is built upon this main concept: the main character must master their powers, energy, focus, and strength. They are always going through a new set of challenges...whether they be fighting demons or not (which, demon fighting animes are my shit), each fight requires them to master a new skill varying from breathwork techniques, visualisation, meditation, rigorous exercises that require them to tap into the most "superhuman" abilities, and much more. The main character always seems to be the "chosen one"; in the beginning of the episodes, they may seem weak, fragile, or simply lacking the awareness of their true potential. They may even doubt their abilities once another character joins in and tells them that they are the ones who are supposed to help save the world.

But then, something shifts...the moment they accept the invitation to "save the world". They accept the invitation to become a student and master themselves.  They must journey through to become one of the strongest, the elite, or, as they say in Demon Slayer: Hashira. Using Demon Slayer as an example--Tanjiro, alongside other members, gained valuable lessons from each Hashira. Each one instilled within him unique abilities. Sharpening his speed, passion, flexibility & sword control. As well as the importance of focus in battle, endurance, and physical strength. There were plenty of times Tanjiro almost didn't make it, but there was this fire in him that never died. This strong will to rise above and push through any challenge, even if he thought at first sight it was impossible. Not to mention his big heart, which was also the driving force behind his actions. 

Challenges arrive...to teach us mastery..

So, instead of getting trapped in this cycle of fear, or 'stuckness' when a challenge arises, and thinking something is often going wrong, or we are just not up for the challenge thrown at us...what if we stepped into this space of:

What is this challenge guiding me to master? What energy must I cultivate within myself to embody that mastery?

Right now, I feel that I am being guided to master trust and strength. If I'm keeping it completely raw, no condom, life has been a rollercoaster of a fucking ride lately. I fear I haven't made the right choices in this new phase of my journey, money has been funny, stability ain't been real stable, mental health teeter tottering. I mean, cast me for a fucking episode of Shameless because there is always fucking something.

....God has been so good to me, truly. But this life has been hard, I find it more difficult to keep my faith, I've been feeling so weak and helpless, lost, and oftentimes afraid, and about .2 seconds away from practicing the harlem shake out in moving traffic--but I digress. There is still air in my lungs, so perhaps there is something on the other side of this misery I've been feeling deep within. I pray, better than I have ever known or seen in my life. 

Okay....that's what I got for now, until next time..

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